There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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