is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are the jesus of drinking
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
