i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
