It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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