There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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