someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
