I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
