remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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