if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
