i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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