Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
