you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
