it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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