The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
