Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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