i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
