Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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