Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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