I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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