My pussy is not your playground.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
