you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
