note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
