Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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