ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
