last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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