I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
