just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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