wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
