I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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