Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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