I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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