I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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