sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
