I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
