the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
