I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize