we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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