Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
