Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Two words: nipple clamps
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
