hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
