So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
