we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize