I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Welp...herpes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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