so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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