i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
