She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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