it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
