She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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