My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
