im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
