well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
