sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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