Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
