We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
