Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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