btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
