we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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