you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
