She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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