Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
