Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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