do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
