I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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