You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
