Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
