Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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