____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize