Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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