I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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