I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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