My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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